What I wish I could say to my Mom on Mother’s Day…
With every scroll through my Instagram feed this week I’m reminded that Mother’s Day just around the corner. And every time I see a post about what to buy Mom or a Mom and me selfie it knocks the wind out of me. This day is always going to be hard because I don’t get to spend it with my mom. It’s conflicting, because I really want to enjoy the day with my kids, but the void that I can’t be with my Mom on Mother’s Day leaves me feeling pretty empty. I think about her all the time but even more so during the time of year that’s dedicated to mothers. And I realized this week what I would tell my Mom if I could get an outside line to Heaven this Sunday….
But first, a quick backstory. I spontaneously flew up to DC to see my favorite band perform at my favorite venue with some of my favorite friends. A lot of favorites right there, woohoo! At first, the details and logistics involved anytime a coach (me!) leaves her team, even if it’s for 24 hours, sounded daunting. Who will watch the kids? Am I a bad Mom for leaving the kids? Will B send L.E. to school in pajamas? Just thinking about leaving was exhausting, (packing, two 3+ hour flights in 24 hours, yada yada yada). But since my Mom passed away I really do feel like the B and I started operating on the “life’s short, live it now” mantra. Especially when it comes to bucket list opportunities with dear friends.
I put a lot of energy into surrounding myself with the people that mean the most to me. You know, the chicken noodle soup friends in life. And as important as it is to be with these VIP people in our life, it’s equally important to have passions, hobbies, whatever it is in life that makes us insanely happy. For some it’s a happy place vacation spot, others it’s playing as many cool golf courses as possible (you know who you are, honey!) My happiness overload activity involves listening to live music. And guess what, this was my mom’s happiness sweet spot too. I was raised around music, it played such a big role in my childhood and I’ve got so many great memories rocking out to 80’s hair bands with my Mom. In spite of the happy memories, I never understood my mom’s interests, style, and what really amped her up until just this week. Side note: why are we so hard on our parents during our formative years? Seriously, I gave my Mom such a hard time about anything and everything. She wasn’t allowed to like Guns N’ Roses, parents should be listening to old people music, right?! And I was always so embarrassed when she rocked double denim and ripped jeans. Currently trendy again and now in my outfit rotation. Ha. And she had more white tees and button downs than I have shoes (that’s a serious number). Classic white and denim was her jam. And I find myself gravitating towards the same look now too. And when I looked in the mirror when I was getting ready for the concert, it might as well been her standing there circa 1981. That night at the concert was magical, a you-can’t-breathe-because-it’s-so-awesome kind of experience. Part of what made it magical was that I felt her presence. I realized that piece of her had rubbed off on me, rocking ripped jeans, a white tee and screaming at the top of my lungs to every single song lyric. I know it might sound hokey, but I’m going to make it through this mother’s day a little bit happier knowing that I spent Mother’s Day week hanging with my Mom at that concert. I just wish more than anything I could tell her how cool I think she was.