I have to admit, given my voyeuristic tendencies I occasionally find myself feeling like my life has got to be as fun as the latest #mostwonderfultimeoftheyear Instagram post in my newsfeed. Ironically, so many people have said to me, “I’ve seen your Insta photos and y’all are always having so much fun!” I quickly change the subject and think to myself, “Well that photo was taken in between tears when someone mentions spending the holidays with their Mom or when I hear Silent Night, my Mom’s favorite Christmas carol. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday, but this year it’s been really hard to find the magic stuff that holidays are made of. I mean, my Christmas decorations literally sat on my living room floor for two solid weeks. So not typical, since the day after Thanksgiving excites me almost as much as Thanksgiving itself because it means we get to unpack boxes of decorations. Even more, I’ve found fault in every last Christmasy thing this season. The tree is dead, LED lights give me a headache, etc. etc. I’ve been going through the motions…hosting parties, decorating cookies with the kids and what not, but I just hadn’t felt IT yet. Then the other night Leighton found a book that my Mom sent me years ago before we had any kids. It was one of those Hallmark books that records your voice and my Mom recorded her rendition of “The Night Before Christmas.” At the time she sent the book, I probably listened to it once thanked her and thought to myself, “Why is she reading me a book at 29 years old?!” Us kids can be so tough on our parents, don’t you think? Anyway, this book is now one of my most prized possessions. And as hard as it was to hear her voice, it was like she was reminding me that I still get to read to my daughters every night, sing them Christmas songs, and dance around the house in our Christmas pajamas. IT finally clicked with me which was a huge turning point this month. I mean it’s our choice to either a. focus on what we don’t have, because in spite of what story the Facebook newsfeed might tell us, nobody has it all, or b. take in every second of what we do have. I honestly think I felt like if I let myself enjoy Christmas it would mean I wasn’t missing my Mom enough. That’s obviously not the case. I truly believe there’s a way to enjoy the magical moments with those special people in our life who who we get to be with during the holidays, incorporate the memories of our lost loved ones through stories and holiday traditions and find true joy during “the most wonderful time of the year.”
Merry Christmas to you and yours…
